Control
I’ve been thinking a lot about the illusion we can get into over wanting to have control of people, situations etc. I haven’t met many people, if any, who don’t struggle with this.
If I am aware enough to notice I am in that mode, I can hardly change it. I find a person in me that is not the me of today. As I observe her behavior I can see the young girl who rebelled against the authority of her Father. It’s a really tangled energy that is difficult to follow to the beginning.
It seems that I want control of certain situations or people when I am not feeling loved and appreciated. This was an ongoing struggle with my Dad throughout my youth. Lack of communication leading to hurt feelings etc.
I was in the thick of this over the 4th. I am the caretaker of my family, I think most Moms are, but I want to be done with that now. And there are those sticky energies of control that have to make sure everybody is happy and doing “right” in their lives (whatever that means). I so look forward to the day when I can just take the people in my life as they are. Not wanting to change them or make them feel better…….just accepting and loving everything about them. This is what I expect and seldom get.
This will be my spiritual practice this week. I think it’s called unconditional love.
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